How I'm Earning my "Dad Badge"

We all have different experiences with our parents growing up, and mine wasn't exactly perfect like you see on TV, but now as a father myself, I'm earning my "Dad Badge."  It's a big responsibility to be a father and having a baby is really just the first step that enables fatherhood.  It's everything else that follows that makes you a father.  Playing, reading, bathing, talking, listening, laughing, and learning with each other are just a few of the things that go into it.  

When the nurse wheeled our son into our hospital room when he was born, my wife and I both looked at each other and had no idea what to do first.  We were excited but scared, and nervous. Who was this little guy they just dropped off in our room at 7am?  Where was the instruction manual?  Is there a customer service number?  Nope.  None of that comes with a newborn.  We have been learning how to raise our son as we go.  And so far, it's been a very amazing experience. 

I'm not going to claim to have the right answers, but I just want to share a few things that I try to do every day to make sure our son grows up with great memories about his dad.  

Engaged Listening

I try to make time every day, even if only for 15-20 minutes,  to sit down and ask him about his day, what he learned, what made him happy, sad, etc. and listen to him.  I try to have a conversation and dialogue that doesn't include me lecturing him. I'm not asking him about his day to learn about how he got in trouble and scold him.  I'll save that for later. ;)  But I feel it's important that he knows I want to know about him and I want to experience everything he does, and just be there for him to express his feelings. 

Sharing

I always try to find opportunities to share with him. Tell him about my day or things I used to do when I was a kid his age.  I've heard him tell me before, "wow, you did that too?", and it's funny to put yourself in his shoes and limited knowledge that only goes back to 2005. To him, the olden days were the 80's. 

Hobbies, Sports, Games & Legos

One of the things that we love to do together is play games, build legos, throw the ball around, and do experiments.  In general, this is a way for us to bond and build a relationship.  It not only helps him to be a team player, but it also teaches him how to play with others.  Not to mention, it gives me a chance to stay young.  But I'm sure my back can tell you some stories about crouching down on the carpet for hours searching for tiny lego pieces.

Reading

I love reading with my son, which is one of the reasons I built MagicBlox.  I wanted a huge source of new books where we could learn and experinece new adventures together.  When he was younger, I did most of the reading, but now that he's older, I enjoy being read to.  He still enjoys hearing me read to him, and I loathe the day when he tells me not to.  Hopefully that's when he's 20..  

Tough Love

Like most adults these days, I was spanked when I was a kid.  My wife and I have vowed not to spank our son, because we honestly believe that just promotes hitting and doesn't actually teach him the right lesson.  Instead, we take away priviliages, and explain to him what he did was wrong and try to help him understand the impact of what he did.  Either the feelings he hurt or the consequences or risks that he could face.  We also make sure to end our discipline sessions positiviley and reflect on why he was punished and that the most important thing he should take away is the lesson learned to avoid getting in trouble again.

At the end of the day, it's not any one thing that gives you the right to call yourself a father. It's the relationship you build with your kid's.  It's not always easy, and some days are harder than others, especially as a father who spends 8 hours a day in an office away from all of his day to day interactions.  I have to give my wife a huge amount of credit for helping bridge the gap between my time at work or travel and my relationship with my son.  She reminds me about the things I've shared with you all the time, and she also helps advocate my position in our home.  Without her, it would be much more difficult to maintain my relationship with my son.