Earning My "Dad Badge"

I’ve learned in my last 7 years of being a father (actually, my kids are 5 and 7, so I think that counts as 12 years) that there’s no finish line when it comes to being a good parent.  There’s no momentous day when I can think “Whew!  I made it.  Yesterday I wasn’t a good father, but today I can claim that honor.”  Being a good parent is the accumulation of many small victories and insights and adaptations that add up over the years. 

For example, as any working parent knows, trying to find quality time to spend with your kids is tough.  Getting them ready for school in the morning while also trying to get myself ready for work, then actually getting everyone to their respective destinations on time, is a daily challenge that I could never seem to conquer.  More often than not, the potentially pleasant morning time would degrade into a house full of upset kids and flaring parental tempers as I or my wife had to push the kids harder and harder to get dressed and collect their things.  As the years progressed, the morning routine was slowly getting worse and I was at a loss as to how to make it better.

My small epiphany came one morning when I couldn’t sleep and woke up extra early.  Instead of my typical reaction of trying to get a jump on my to-do list for the day, I decided to take it easy and sit on the sofa to read the paper.  It just so happens that in our house I can see the kids room from the sofa.  As I sat reading, I heard my 5 year old get up and pad softly towards the kitchen.  When he got to the door and saw me, he just stood there for a moment, trying to clear the sleepy fog and comprehend what was going on.  I put my paper aside and held out my arms for a hug.  He stumbled over to me and crawled into my lap while I wrapped my arms around him trying to keep him warm. 

We sat like that for about 10 minutes, and those 10 minutes are one of the highlights of my life.  We didn’t say much; mostly just sat in silence.  However, I could feel our connection getting stronger.  After a while, he got up to get dressed and went to fix breakfast.  Our day went back to its normal pace, but there was something about it that was better than the day before.

Now I set my alarm an hour earlier than I used to, and as my boys wake up they expect to see daddy on the sofa with his arms spread wide.  We talk about what dreams they had the night before, how school is going, and discuss anything that might be bothering them.  We really connect in those 10 minutes each morning in a way we never can during the rest of the day.

So for those fathers out there that feel out of touch like I did, try setting your alarm a little earlier than usual and take advantage of that slow, sleepy time before the pressures of the day have taken hold.  It may make you start looking forward to getting up early.

And this is one way I am earning my "Dad Badge"